A Touching Liberal Christmas Carol

Wednesday, December 15, 2010


T’was the night before Christmas, in a liberal home,
It was gloomy and heavier than the Metrodome dome.
They were each in their rooms, each in silence and shame,
In hopes that no Carolers would visit again.

Tis the darkest of days in the Liberal year,
Banned from schools, streets and courthouses, all that laughter and cheer!
For they know there’s no magic man riding sleighs in a suit,
Or child in a manger, What a crock! What a hoot!

Obama’s healthcare, was slashed by a GOP judge,
And the tax-cuts extended by some Democrat sludge,
Then the Christian extremists were all pealing with joy,
to make matters worse! How they stress and annoy!

‘I hate Santa Claus!’ the man shouted to chase away the mirth,
‘He never gave to me all I’m entitled to, or worth!
He’s a hypocrite, he's gone after just one small day,
Only rewarding riches, He hates Muslims and gays.’

His Red parents had made sure that he knew the real truth,
Between Ritalin shots and TV time in his room,
‘Don’t leave gift giving to some old white man, dressed in red,
It’s the government’s job to do that,’ they had said.

‘Free those twelve captive reindeer from that barbarous man,
And the minority elves, with no unions at hand.
Spread the wealth, save the trees, stop this dumb Christian sham,
That was copied from old legends, in the Egyptian land.’

Thus, this sad liberal muttered to himself all night long,
Till he put on a miserable Jane Fonda song,
The next morning he exploded when wished a good day,
‘God is dead! So are you!! Now get out of my way!!!’


Please don't take this poem seriously! [photo:^HikingArtist.com- flickr/cc license

5 comments:

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous, please review our "mindless insults" comments policy before posting again. We would like the level of discourse here to be somewhat above the grade school play yard.

Nameless Cynic said...

Wow. I'm curious. Do you actually know any liberals? Because my house is pretty cheery, I've got the Christmas tree decorated, and we're a pretty happy bunch.

Now, as we read farther, we find that you think that liberal, atheist and communist all mean the same thing. So, you don't even know what those words mean, right?

Because, really, Jesus was a major liberal (you know, all that "heal the sick, help the poor" stuff).

On the other hand, since I'm pretty sure you couldn't even define communism, or tell me which societies have actually been communist, I'll give you a pass on that one, but only because I'm not willing to explain basic sociology to you.

(Look at your fifth paragraph, though. The communist parents were upset about the Santa Claus distributing to each, according to his needs? Really?)

Now, to be honest, I've heard people complain about hating Santa Claus, but they were all heavy Christians, and unhappy about the secular focus of the season. So I'm curious where you got your models for any of this behavior.

And among many other things you got wrong, I suppose I should point out that, in that last paragraph, you know that Jane Fonda never put out an album, right? She did some movies and a bunch of fitness videos, but I'm pretty sure you don't have any music from her.

I mean, I'd be happy to debate you on your facts here, but I'm not finding where you got anything right.

Dr B said...

It was a joke. Calm down.

LOL So sensitive...

Jesus was a liberal? Where did he suggest that governments take money from the rich and give it to the poor? Because I have never read that in the Bible. I've read him suggest that people feed the poor and clothe the needy of their own volition, from their own treasure and goods, but that sounds strangely more like ... hmmmm ... Christian charity groups ... very conservative Christian groups.

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