The "Extended" LBGT Community

Saturday, March 7, 2009

This bit of satire from Self Evident Truths:

I met up with Ron Clouster at Jillian's, a local club in the upscale center of the city. He sat at a high table, near the entrance and well away from the bar and the noise. He swirled his drink, remaining aloof to the milling crowd around him and the constant dull beat of dance music. He was surprisingly short, about five foot six or seven. He wore a plain white t-shirt which stretched tight across his shoulders and upper arms, showing off well defined muscles. He motioned for me to sit.

"So, what's this about?" I asked, stepping up into the over-tall chair.

Ron looked at me for a moment, perhaps unsure of my motives in agreeing to meet with him for an interview. Ron Clouster is a key spokesperson for the gay activist group Blind Justice United.

After an uncomfortable minute, he spoke. "We're going to broaden the number of groups included as part of the community," he said. Ron referred to the gay community.

"Broaden? How?" I asked. I find short and open questions best for interviews. It allows me to gain information, even from people as openly hostile as Ron.

"Well, you're familiar with the term LGBT?"

"Yes, of course."

"We don't want anyone to feel left out. There are many other groups which need to be part of this," he gestured around with his arm, pointing to the surrounding club. "They need to belong and join in the fight to gain their civil rights."

"Who's this 'they' you refer to?" I inquired.

He started to warm up to the topic. "Well, we need to be sure to add queers into the group - LGBTQ, you know?"

"Yes," I said, "queer or questioning."

"That's right. It means both. So we want to add two Qs to the end - LGBTQQ."

"LGBTQQ?"

"Yes," he said. "We don't want either group to get lost in the shuffle and get ignored by the courts."

"I see."

"Well, and also we would like to include Two-Spirit people."

"Two-Spirit?" I asked.

"Yes," he nodded. His voice grew stronger and he became more self-assured with each new group. "Native American gays decided back in the 90s that the traditional idea of Two-Spirit referred to them. That is, that there are some people who are born with two spirits, a male and a female." He stopped to get my reaction for a moment. I merely nodded at him to continue.

"Anyway, Two-Spirit people have been recognized by Native Americans for years, so we want to include them as well."

"And that would mean...."

"LGBTQQTS," Ron replied.

"Go on."

"At our last meeting of the BJU, we realized that we were ignoring whole groups of people who should become part of the community. For example, there are a whole range of folks who are into kink."

"No kidding."

"Yeah, it's amazing." He nodded to emphasize the point. "We thought about how to add that group into the community and decided that kink was a generic enough term, but to be on the safe side, we also included people who are dominant as well as those who are submissive."

"So now your group is called..."

"LGBTQQTSKDS!" Ron was getting pretty excited about his topic and rushed on. "The next group was a difficult decision for BJU. We had to determine if polygamy would be accepted in the community."

"Polygamy?" I raised my eyebrows. "I thought you didn't like polygamists?"

"Not at all" he said. "It's not the polygamy part, it's those evil Mormons who are trying to take away our rights. Once we realized, though, that Mormons, I mean those folks in Utah, have not really been associated with polygamy for over a hundred years, it was time to include that lifestyle with our own."

"Polygamy. Really." I shook my head.

"Yeah! Well, we don't want to be sexists, so we're including both polygyny and polyandry. Women who want more than one husband ought to have that right."

"So now your group is called...?"

"LGBTQQTSKDSPP."

"Is that everyone?" I asked.

"Well, no. We had one guy in our group that insisted we include gays who are celibate, so we added GBC to the end of the acronym." He looked at me expectantly.

I thought for a minute before venturing with, "LGBTQQTSKDSPPGBC?"

"That's it!" he exclaimed. "You've got the idea."

"Are there any other groups you missed?"

"We thought of several others in our last BJU meeting," he said, "but we didn't want to go too far with our first revision."

"Yes, that sounds reasonable," I ventured. A pause. "What about Monogamous Married People?"

He became visibly upset that I would mention the MMP and started to shout. "After what those people did to us with Proposition 8? Those haters kept us from our civil rights!" Ron stood up, wildly gesturing. "Why would we want to include them? There's no room in the world for such hateful people!"

"OK. OK," I held up my hands to fend off his outburst. "I was just wondering." Ron slowly sat down. We remained in silence for a second or two while Ron regained his composure. I broke the silence first. "Where do you go from here?"

He hesitated a moment longer, testing me, then replied, "all people are equal under the law and should enjoy the protection of the law. We need to let people know that we are what we are. We're starting law suits in both California and Massachusetts as test cases to remove any legal barriers against LGBTQQTSKDSPPGBC."

We only talked for a moment longer about the BJU strategy, until Ron indicated that he had to rush off to his next interview. I thanked him for his time and we stood and shook hands. I wished him luck and he thanked me for my time.

As he started for the door, I called after him. "What about hermaphrodites?"

He stood for a moment, snapped his fingers, grinned and waved as he walked out the door.

I await the update to the BJU website to announce to the world the new LGBTQQTSKDSPPGBCH community. After all, protected class status really shouldn't exclude anyone. At least not according to Ron and the Blind Justice United.

1 comments:

Euripides said...

Thanks for the repost.

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